It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
Is it though?
Having love isn't like having a hamburger. Your hamburger goes away, and you'll definitely be sad that's it's gone because you thought you had another bite left - always a bummer. But love isn't like a hamburger. When the hamburger goes, you're pretty much the same as before it. Apart from being hungry for more burger.
But when someone you love goes away, they take the rest of you with them. They don't leave you as the hamburger leaves you. It's more like....like you are a big hairy leg, and they are the wax strip. You merge together, can't remember life without them, and then when they go, they tear out everything that was you with them.
Now you're just a gaping raw gorey bloody wound and you're certain you'll never be the same.
And you won't be the same.
People who get close to us change us. But I think you can learn to function again. You won't be the same, but you can go on differently. Even be happy again. But it will be a different sort of happy. Not a lesser sort of happy, or a better sort, just different.
There is no replacing someone. They will leave a scar.
But that's just the nature of the beast, I feel. For me anyway, being the almost-incapacitating introvert that I am. Letting people close isn't something I like doing. For people like me, doing that means putting your heart in a blender, handing it to that person and telling them to stand there in the kitchen for a million hours with nothing to do. They're going to get bored. There is only one direction this is going to go. You tell yourself that anyway. They're going to flick that switch while they make a sandwich just for something to do.
Better to have loved? ...Not for me. But I really do hope so for you.
This post is for Lisa, whom I wish I could make everything all better for xo
Also, Happy birthday Dad. Not sure how old you would have been today, but that's irrelevant. You haven't aged in 12 years.
