Wikipedia tells me that a fella called Theodore built the first laser in 1960.
Did he envisage that one day, thanks to him, mankind would be be fighting fierce space lizards in the cold vacuum of space with laser guns strapped to their forearms and shins? Or perhaps humans would get massive laser canons implanted in their chests so they could blow holes in stuff for like, no reason? Would we be shooting lasers from our eyeballs at hugely popular mirror-ball parties by 2017? Or maybe we would be using lasers to write with; how bad ass would that be, burning your signature onto a contract like a boss.
Today I took 56 years worth of laser advancement, all that research and hard work and sweat and tears.. I took all of that and used it to get whollopped in the crotch cause shaving my bikini line is a kind of annoying.
So I just wanted to say thank you to all of those people who have contributed to the advancement of lasers. We aren't using them to fight aliens, but if a few people don't get razor rash any more, well, I reckon Theodore must be pretty happy with himself.
I admit I was hoping for some sort of Marvel-like accident, where I'd be horribly maimed but gain the ability to shoot a laser from my crotch. I'd do what was right of course, and don a costume at night and beat down the city's thugs with my box laser of justice. I probably wouldn't have the greatest superhero name...
But alas, safety procautions were adheared to and here I sit with my regulation standard box. Fingers crossed for next time. Look out petty theives, your days are numbered.
Oh and Theo, your laser hurts like a b*tch.
